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Wedges Kill Boners


Women are unknowingly murdering the assumedly invincible sex drive of their significant others.

The wedge has a humble beginning, which can be traced back to a well-intentioned cobbler attempting to outfit his daughter with a shoe that would render her undesirable to potential suitors. He succeeded, but in the process provided a convenient aid in fetching wool fedoras and label-laden handbags from top shelves of closets. Soon women were leaving their homes while still wedged as it presented an effective method of eliminating advances from male onlookers. The wedge became a staple in thousands of women's otherwise aesthetically inoffensive wardrobes. Soon the wedge began to devolve into a more comfortable alternative to the ever-so-lovely heel. And before long the wedge was snuffing out libidos in unfortunate cities across the country.
Light Blue Espadrille Wedge

The wedge is a hybrid. And hybrids are inherently evil. For example, the rap/rock band. Soiling the tastes of adolescent listeners innocently attending local music festivals. The iPad. Convincing yuppies that a device too large to carry around like a phone and incapable of handling the menial tasks of a laptop should be the foundation of any post-collegiate middle manager's technological harem. Even the hybrid car, while economical and admirably environmentally conscious, is made to resemble a mobile handheld vacuum with three SUVs' worth of blind spots.

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