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Leopard Print Will Gavage Your Eardrums Until You’re Forced to Leave Brunch Before Finishing Your Bennies and Momos


Leopards were once raised in small cages and force fed MAC cosmetics to swell the annoyingness of their livers. Once the organ was removed, ranchers would skin the animal and use the hide to detract women of discernment from entering the grounds. The hides were soon being stolen by neighboring 35 year-old, 7 Series-owning women who would fashion them into scarves and skinny accent belts. The intentions for which were to show their insufereable and unavoidably entitled nature. To communicate to their neighbors that over-accessorizing and layering perfumes would ensure their names are remembered by the Burke Williams' staff.

The leopard print women began to form cliques. Chatty groups whose purpose served only to convince others of how much manufactured fun they were having by consciously elevating the volume of their conversations to an inescapable level. And thus began the brunch table of Girls Who Wear Leopard Print.

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